Somebody you know had to do it. Go to Malta. Not a hardship, really. (You’re welcome.)
I don’t know exactly what I expected, but whatever it was, I was so, so, so very wrong. Somebody says, “Malta” and what do YOU think? I thought about Humphrey Bogart. Turns out, this is not as loose an association as you might imagine. The Maltese Falcon was a real thing. And, a real bird too. (The bird since the 16th century. And movie making is huge, huge right now on tiny little Malta. More than 100 feature films have used Malta’s spectacular scenery for location shoots. They are courting film makers like crazy and quite elaborately. Who knew?)
Speaking of films, when in Valletta, Malta’s capital city, you must attend the “Malta Experience” (like we did). Five thousand years of Maltese history distilled into 45 minutes of celluloid factoids. Here’s the short version: Archeological remains indicate that Malta’s earliest cave dwellers apparently worshipped a female deity. (A portly little waif whose plaster likenesses can be purchased reasonably today in almost every souvenir shop on the Rue du Crapola in town.) Peace and harmony, if not technological advances, reigned while The Chubby One was in charge. Of course, men took over almost immediately and what followed was approximately 4,900 years of war and mayhem featuring all the usual players. Boys will be boys.
The 16th century A.D. figures prominently in the history of Malta because of the “Knights Hospitaller” and you can take a tour of the actual hospital after the movie for no extra charge. The knights were good guys initially, men of medicine and science, and they were given as a swell gift the entire archipelago by Emperor Charles V in a perpetual lease. The annual rent was the small token price of “one Maltese Falcon” which seems more than fair. Hence the origin of the “Maltese Falcon”. Ultimately, there was…corruption, moral turpitude, chaos, pestilence and debauchery. The “boys will be boys” scenario writ very large. Ownership of the islands changed hands many, many times with the Catholics winning out in the end. Today 98% of the population of Malta is still RC with a small un-assimilated East Indian minority quite visible in the shops and restaurants.
Currently Malta boasts the best average weather of any country in the world. Just one reason why they are fast becoming a favored film location.
It’s located a mere 80km south of Italy (Sicily), 284km east of Tunisia and a mere 333 clicks north of Libya. We flew over from Sicily and then departed to Serbia with a short plane change in Munich. Malta is part of the EU and so their currency is the Euro. You will need a few of them for your trip, but it isn’t horrible like Iceland, where we will tell you, you might want to consider taking out a second mortgage on your home before booking your flight to Reykjavik.
The people of Malta are SUPER nice. Everybody. Even the average tourists seemed a cut above, (although it was early in the season before the hordes arrive). The general populace (in Valletta) has a cultured European sensibility; I was feeling a little Italy, (Tuscany maybe), a whiff of Greece, (a bit more sophisticated and educated), just a dollop of France, (especially in the food and architecture) and a real bouquet of England, (language, of course and a genuine love of all that is pompous).
It is rumored that it gets pretty hot there, temperature wise, and by the time the summer season is winding down, like in any tourist desto, (we have noticed that) sometimes the hospitality starts to wane a tiny bit. For that reason, if you can, hit Malta up on the shoulder season. In fact, if you can, go everywhere on the shoulder…just my preference because tourists are still delightful to the locals. (After a few months of the haggling and the whining and the demanding of free wee fee, let’s face it, it must wear them down and get just a little old. Europe seems weary in the late summer.)
In addition to “Experience Malta”, an additional attraction of note would be the very lovely Casa Rocca Piccola, a 16th century palace of a noble Maltese family that dates back to that famed golden century as a private palace and is still occupied as a private residence to this day. See how the “other half” have lived in Malta and then stop into the Casa Rocca Shop for a little chat and some advice about all things Malta. Anna and Antoinette were kind enough to sample some cds for us and instruct us about the unique folk music form called, Ghana, (pronounced Ahh-Na, the gh is silent), in which two singers “battle” back and forth in a total improvisation. It is best described as a kind of Maltese rap duet.
Buy a tie with the famed Maltese cross for any of your tie-wearing friends, and peruse the vast selection of books about Malta. This shop is a big step up from the RdC and the usual souvenir shop. Plus Anna and Antoinette are charming beyond words and generous with advice and consultation. The restaurant attached to and owned by the Casa looked great. (The time wasn’t right or we would have definitely eaten there.)
You can take a guided tour of the city in a horse drawn carriage. And while you do so, you might speculate on why it is that there are 3, count ‘em 3 automobiles on the island for every citizen of Malta. Car nutters flock there it would seem. We didn’t drive, so I can’t report on the traffic, but how can it be good? On the plus side, you can walk the entire city of Valletta twice in a single day.
If you’re into that sort of thing, the garrisons of olden times are well preserved and for the cannon fetishists, you won’t be disappointed. For myself, every gun is a bad gun and the biggest ones are just big bad things. But, if it’s a turn on for you, every day at 4:00 p.m. a uniformed guard re-enacts the daily cannon fire across the sound into Gozo. I find those re-enactments kind of sad and a bit boring, but I know, judging from the turn-out, I am in the vast minority on that one.
Don’t forget to visit the trip notes for a short review of our hotel (marvelous!) and a couple restaurants we loved.
That sums up Malta. As always, we wish you were here.