Welcome to Desto3’s new series, ADVENTURES IN PORTLANDIA. Or, as we like to think of it, A YEAR OF LIVING WEIRD. (For those who do not know…the city’s motto is “Keep Portland Weird”.)

Portland, Oregon is the 26th largest U.S. city in terms of human population (a little over 630,000 residents) but it is #8 in terms of popularity as judged by the numbers of people choosing to move there. (If you trust the people at the PEW Research joint.) Portland’s growing popularity and its growing population is a very hot, hot, hot topic among Portlanders. Many are not exactly thrilled with the changes to the city that such quick growth brings. Many say the TV series, Portlandia is to blame for the population boom, making the city look just too, too cool to resist. Historically speaking, that is just hogwash.

Portland’s population, dating back well into the mid-nineteenth century has experienced many cycles of manic growth. (One such spurt saw the population of the city triple between 1900 and 1930 and in that time the city’s deserved reputation as an edgy and cool place got well established. It’s cool still.

During prohibition especially, Portland was a wild and lawless town. You can still visit underground tunnels and secret chambers in many of the old buildings in Portland that functioned as speakeasies and passageways for the patrons to arrive and depart without detection. If you take a walking tour or a bike tour of Portlandia your guide will proudly point out the many buildings that served up sex for money to the locals and the itinerant port of call workers back when and they will also assert that Portland’s sex trade business is reputed to be ever booming to this very day. Another quirky distinction of the city, oft cited by proud citizens, is the vast number of strip joints in Portland. (More per capita than any other city in America.) We have not researched these claims and part of me (the part that’s been to Vegas) thinks this is impossible, but if true, it’s not the in your face kind of industry that one finds in Nevada the second you cross the state line. The only naked Portlanders I’ve seen with my own eyeballs so far were the several hundred folks riding bare-assed across the Tilikum Bridge one fine Saturday afternoon en masse as a contingent of the famed Annual Naked Bike Ride. (Completely accidental siting.)

We here at Desto3.com have a commitment to integrity so we shall make an effort soon to report with some other eyeball witnessing, just so you know, you know. Stay tuned to this channel. We’re on the job for you.

Meanwhile, what we can already report from personal experience, Portland is the kind of town where you can find a mural like this on a main drag building and on a given Sunday morning in the parking lot out front you might be fortunate enough find a spectacular live music performance* going on absolutely FREE to the public. If this is weird…sign me up!

This will be a great year, folks.

*This band is Portland’s Bright and Shiny, Not certain what the genre would be called but the vocals are some kind of Leonard Cohen and The Boss. Lyrics are killer.

Salt Spring Island (also Saltspring Island)– Galiano Island – British Columbia Gulf Islands – Canada

Get to the Gulf Islands by inter-island ferry (the ferry from Seattle to Victoria is passenger only, but you can take a car on the ferry from Anacortes, WA, just an hour’s drive from Seattle). You can also take your car (and bikes) on the inter-island ferries for a small fee. If you plan to bike the islands however, one critical thing you must know is that the Canadians do not know the meaning of the word “flat”.

Side note about international traveling and interpretation challenges: Once, a long time ago, your Desto3 team was in Mexico. The topic of “procrastination” came up along with the attendant frustration that U.S. and Canadian folks generally experience when their Mexican neighbors tell them that something will get done “mañana” and of course, it rarely gets done the following day. Our host, a guy who knew a guy who knew El Presidente told us that the president of Mexico explains to non-Mexicans that the misunderstanding about “tomorrow” is one of misinterpretation. U.S. citizens and Canadians translate “mañana” to mean “tomorrow”. What it actually means is “not today”.

We think the Canadians have a similar language, (shall we say), “looseness”? with the word “flat”. In Canada when they tell you that a bike ride is “flat”, what they really mean is, “the steepest climb will be no more than 14%”. I’m not kidding. You may think you are relatively fit. Just be mindful that even a short climb at 14% will tucker you out. And, if you are riding a rental bike with a racing seat, bear in mind that such an incline for any appreciable distance is not friendly on the lady parts down south, if you get my drift. This may be TMI but, be forewarned and adjust your wardrobe and/or request a gel seat. (Your cooch will thank you.) #learnedthehardway

Saltspring is the largest of the Gulf Islands and the most populous at just over 10k inhabitants, (most of them artists and/or celebrities). The posh people don’t arrive and depart via ferry with the plebes; they fly on the never-ending parade of seaplanes in and out of Ganges. From Desto’s ocean-front digs at the Hastings House a little bit out of the main town, we could watch the planes land and take off almost every 20 minutes all day long. Lots of coming and going on Saltspring among the swell set.

Other than people-watch and envy the wealthy, I’m not sure what normal people (read non-bikers) do on tiny islands like this. We observed a few people carrying golf clubs so there must be a course around. (You’re on your own to check that out. Don’t drag your sticks there until you do. I probably don’t have to tell you that, do I?) On Galiano there’s a kayak rental outfit but you will be in open ocean waters so bring shark repellent (that’s a joke). (I think.)

A gazillion or so art galleries exist in the proper towns and also sprinkled about on both Salt Spring Island and Galiano, but we seemed to be the only “customers” whenever we stopped to look. How they pay the rent is a mystery, or perhaps they are all trust fund baby artists and the last thing they worry their pretty heads about is filthy money. A few of these galleries were actually unattended and you had to summon somebody from afar to accept payment of whatever chotchke you wanted to buy.

The populace in general seemed pretty laid back giving some credence to the persistent rumors about great local (although still illegal) pot farming on the Gulf Islands. Your Desto team did not get approached by anyone asking if we wanted to buy some mary-juana, but I guess we have to face the unseemly reality that it has been a while since we fit the demographic for illicit drug use and nowadays the kind of drugs we take are all covered under Medicare Part D anyway. Still, rumor has it the local herb is spectacular if you believe the “kids” in food service jobs.  We always do. They know everything.

Canada looms above the United States with more land mass (slightly, even adjusting for bodies of water) but with only one tenth the number of people to inhabit it. Canada around 36 million plus a skosh, and the U.S. at over 324 million*.

*(Geopolitical note: these figures may change abruptly, even reverse depending on the US election results come November as many Americans threaten to leave the US in the highly unlikely event that Donald Trump wins the presidency. I think to date at least seven (7) people have threatened to move out when Hillary moves into the White House. (Bye, Felicia!)

Setting politics aside for a moment let’s talk about Victoria, British Columbia. Wow, what a city! Visitors to Victoria cannot be faulted for imagining that most of the 36 million Canadians are visiting downtown Victoria on any given summer day. Canadians don’t have Hawaii but they do have Vancouver Island (where Victoria lives) and sometimes they even call it, “the Maui of Canada”.

Currently – perhaps the decline in the Canadian dollar is to blame – the Canadians are spending their tourist dollars locally and thus, the hoards had descended upon their glorious version of tropical paradise just in time for Desto’s visit. We didn’t exactly see the Hawaii comparison. Desto found it more like the little town of La Jolla north of San Diego. La Jolla in Spanish means “The Jewell” and much like Victoria, it is bustling with tourism and pretty over-crowded any place you think you should see. Both cities have attracted a full time population of retirees or pensioners for a similar reason – a relatively good climate with no pesky snow to shovel.

It was our observation that the geezers are sequestered someplace safe in Victoria, as they are in La Jolla. Even though the census figures report lots of them, they aren’t cruising the nightlife. In fact, because both cities are close to a number of colleges and Universities there’s a disproportionate number of young people out and about. If it wasn’t for the ubiquitous bumper stickers in La Jolla claiming, “LA JOLLA, home to old people and their parents”, and the casual nickname for Victoria, “Victoria, home of newly weds and nearly deads”, you COULD think both cities were almost diverse (age wise anyway – both of these cities are painfully not diverse culturally or racially). We think Victoria must hide their oldies, too. We didn’t see one walker in 4 days total. Truthfully, the only old people we saw were, like us, on bicycles, so maybe the city screens for “fit” citizens, no matter their age.

Speaking of fitness, lots and lots of people bike there. The whole of the island is bike friendly and getting even more so by the day. And biking was why we went. We met up with some locals (two young couples from a previous bike trip in Normandy/Brittany last fall – Hi, Tom, Lu, Nancy and Alex!) We had three grand rides in just three days, most of it on car free bike paths.

Eating was our #2 priority and we did plenty of that. (See trip notes for recs.)

We didn’t “do” the Butchart Gardens. We just didn’t. Sue us. (You’ve seen one spectacular city garden, you’ve seen them all.)

One day we spent a better portion of the afternoon watching (with a few hundred other bystanders) the greater Victoria B.C. Fire Department liberate a scared raccoon from a treetop in the city center of downtown Victoria. No fewer than a dozen buff fire personnel and a full-length hook and ladder were employed in this endeavor. It was a lot more entertaining than you might think. Really.

A tiny note of trivia, maybe true, maybe apocryphal, Vancouver Island has no sewage treatment plant. None. Of any kind. They just release their sewage into the ocean like a third world country. Think about that while you chew on your very delicious oysters from the many oyster bar options.

Next edition: the Gulf Islands. Stay tuned.

Call this the artsy fartsy edition.

It’s what happens when you plop a guy “with a gifted eye”, (Ansel Adams may or may not have said this to our Pablo; no way to check on the veracity of such a claim now, so let’s just go with it.), down in the middle of the Oregon desert with a couple of pretty decent cameras and enough food and water to last three days.

Are these photos too abstract for you?

I recommend that you learn to appreciate the abstract. It will make you appear smart. Smarter than you actually are. No kidding. In social psychology research the ability to decipher abstractions is associated with higher intelligence and greater levels of maturity and empathy. Concrete thinkers may lack this ability and typically think in terms of black and white. Not the greatest.

“Life is best when you build bridges between people, not walls.”

  -Billy Crystal, June 10, 2016

Walla Walla, Washington, or as I like to think of it, the other www, is a Washington state wine country college town. There are over 100 wineries in this area and the best of them are producing the big bold Cabs that Washington is known for. It’s also home to Whitman College (and a bunch of other less-well-known schools). Whitman is a picturesque little campus right in the heart of the historical district and from the looks of things there, it is well endowed. (Think acres of manicured lawn and monster art installations.)

As one strolls across campus (and we did more than several times) one could feel as if they’d slipped into a time warp. The student body appears to be extraordinarily wholesome looking, almost like they are from a generation ago. Or, then again, maybe we’ve just been living in Portland for a year so we’re used to young folks with some ink on them. (Not a single tattoo shop was spotted in greater Walla Walla.)

Venture off campus and you will encounter another element of young folk, shall we say, a tad bit more expressive in terms of sartorial choices and grooming practices? We had a nice little convo with some young ladies born and bred about the division. Was it accurate to say the townies and the “Whitties” (their word for the college kids) kept to themselves?  Was there no common ground between the two groups? They seemed reluctant to discuss it candidly leaving us to speculate on the sociological divide. It isn’t a matter of money. Lots of the townie kids come from wheat farmer families and/or are winery brats; they will never be economically disadvantaged. (Not as long as the third world needs American wheat and the rest of America needs their vino. So, never.) Lots of the Whitman kids are there on scholarship, so no, not wealthy. It was a real thing though. Suffice it to say, we felt a bit  like extras in that old 90s movie Breaking Away about college townies vs. Indiana State University frat kids on bicycles. Remember the “cutters” vs. “the jocks”?  – and the real villains, the Eye-talians?  Great movie. Watch it and you’ve  practically been to WWW. We had perfect weather for swilling wine on the patios of some pretty nice wineries but I suspect that the winters in WWW are nearly as bad as they are in southern Indiana. Oh, but the wine is sooooo very much better than the Indiana stuff of grapes. (Yes, Indiana makes some wine but we don’t recommend it. You’re on your own there. Sorry Hoosiers. (http://www.indianawineries.com)

Bridges and buildings and mountains, oh my! Throw La Luna in the picture and we’re talking some serious sky-scapes. The city and her bridges still look mighty puny when you can see the grandeur of Mt. Hood, Mt. St. Helens, and Mt. Adams.  Watching the sky is better than anything on TV.